Distractions
by LegallyIllegal03
Summary: Alex is back in SVU and realizes that she doesn't know how to forget what she sees.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I am not creative enough to have come up with such an amazing show and such awesome characters. That honor goes to Dick Wolf. All hail Dick Wolf the creator and owner of these characters.**

It's a game, always a game. That was what rocked the attorney to the core. That is what got under her skin; the perp only saw this as a game.

Sitting across the table from him, she's looked into his eyes to find no guilt, no remorse, only pride. He was proud of his work. He'd prided himself in his ability to completely destroy his victims.

This was probably what brought her to Casey Novak's apartment. It had been so long since she'd been in the middle of such a heinous crime, she couldn't remember how to forget. She didn't know how to wash it off. She was in desperate need of a reality check. Better yet, she needed a distraction.

She knocked on the door. Nothing. She knocked again, harder. She stood outside the apartment, listening for any sounds from inside. Finally she heard movement.

The door swung open. "What the-" Casey, with sleep filled eyes, stopped dead and looked at the blond whom she'd once replaced standing in the hallway. "Alex? What are you doing here? It's one o'clock in the morning."

Alex gave a half-hearted smile. Quietly she said: "I guess I'm hoping the distraction you offered is still on the table."

Casey took Alex by the hand and pulled her into the apartment.

This became the beginning of the end for the returning Sex Crimes ADA.


	2. Chapter 2

**So this is Chapter 2. Reviews would be great.**

Casey looked down at the blonde sleeping next to her. If she listened hard, she could hear a faint snore coming from the other woman.

She smiled to herself. _The perfect Alex Cabot snores._

When she first started working with the Special Victims Unit, Casey had gotten the impression that Alex Cabot was perfect. Everyone loved Alex, she could do no wrong. Yet Casey did everything wrong. Eventually, the detectives even grew to love her. Hell, they became _her_ detectives.

Casey slid out of bed and pulled on some clothes, she took her pillow off the bed and left the room. Casey, herself, knew how hard it was to sleep after seeing what Alex had seen earlier that day. She didn't have the heart to wake the Assistant District Attorney from her finally calm, dreamless sleep.

Lying on the couch, Casey looked up at the ceiling. She wished she could be in Alex's shoes. The good, the bad, the ugly; she had a hunger she could not fill, a thirst she could not quench. She was thirsty and starving and continued to survive.

Casey awoke, hours later, to find Alex, fully dressed, sitting on her coffee table. She hadn't even realized she'd fallen asleep.

"I'm sorry," Alex said, as Casey sat up.

"For what?" Casey asked.

"I should have left last night, after we-"

Casey pressed her index finger to Alex's lips, cutting her off. "Did you sleep well?"

Alex nodded.

"Then you have nothing to be sorry for," Casey said. "I remember what it was like to just need to forget."

"I never thought it'd be so hard coming back," Alex said, after a long silence.

"Yeah, try leaving after five years," Casey said.

Alex smiled at the redhead, sympathetically.


	3. Chapter 3

Three days earlier…

Casey Novak found herself stretched out in the grass. It was an unseasonably warm day in late April. The park was full of people who had the same idea she did. She watched the people around her, soaking in the anonymous nature of the city. With eight million people surrounding her she could be invisible, she could be no one.

It had been almost a year since she lost her license to practice law. It had been a year since she lost who she was. In that time, she'd caught up on the shows she'd missed and was almost done with her list of books she wanted to read. Part of her still hated herself for being so stupid, the other part told her it's good that she's out. That was the same part that had been telling her to get out, take a vacation, put in for transfer, anything. She was getting too caught up, she wanted it too much.

"Casey?" The familiar voice shocked her out of her thoughts.

Casey looked up to find Alex Cabot standing over her. She was dressed in running gear. "Alex." Casey started to get up when Alex sat down next to her.

"How have you been?" Alex asked.

Casey let out a sarcastic laugh. "That's a loaded question."

Alex crinkled her nose. "I know. I'm sorry."

"So, you're back in Special Victims?" Casey asked. She already knew the answer. But as an attorney she could never ask a question she didn't already know the answer too and found herself falling back into that old habit. She wanted to kick herself.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, when Greyleck went back to DC I got pulled back into it."

"Well, look at it this way," Casey said, "you don't have to break in a new set of detectives."

Alex smiled. "I'm used to Elliot's brooding and Munch's random conspiracy theories. Fin, I can't ever figure out. Olivia-" Alex sighed. "Olivia's just nice to look at."

Casey smiled. "I'd have to agree with you."

They were both quiet for a minute, both watching the movement of the people around them. Alex was the first to break the silence. "Can I ask you something?"

Casey looked at her. "I suppose."

"You spent more time in SVU then I did," Alex said. "How did you forget?"

Casey shrugged. "A lot of distraction."

"Distraction is good," Alex said.

Casey smiled. "Yeah, well, if you ever find you need one, you know where to find me."


	4. Chapter 4

**I had originally intended this chapter to be longer, but I'm not quite sure how I want to go about the "bar scene". I've got a couple ideas that I'm playing with, trying to figure out which flows better. **

Alex made her way to Casey's apartment. She had just closed the case that had been haunting her dreams. She had been going to Casey's more and more. It wasn't just about the distractions. She enjoyed Casey's company. She enjoyed the fact that being with Casey meant she didn't have to think about work. Casey didn't like to talk about her past in SVU and Alex respected that by not talking about her time in SVU.

She walked up the stairs to Casey's apartment. Raising her hand, she slowly knocked on the door. It didn't take long for Casey to open the door. They smiled when they saw each other.

"I did it," Alex said. "I got my conviction."

"That's great," Casey said with a smile and a nod. "I'm proud of you."

"They're going out for drinks," Alex said. "I want you to come with me."

Casey shook her head to dislodge the image of her celebrating with the detectives again. "I can't."

"Why not?" Alex asked. "You were as much a part of closing this case as I was."

"How do you figure?" Casey asked.

"You got me to calm down and quit over thinking things," Alex replied. "So come on. They're waiting."

"You told them?" Casey asked.

Alex shook her head. "I told them I wanted to go change my clothes. I changed and now I'm here to get you."

Casey shook her head. "I can't go with you."

"When I got out of Witness Protection, I couldn't see them for a while either," Alex said. "I was nervous. I don't want you to think that you have to come, but I'd like you to come."

Casey looked into Alex's bright blue eyes. Somehow, no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't say no to those eyes. "Give me five minutes to get changed."

Alex smiled and nodded. She watched her lover retreat into her bedroom.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, so I think I figured everything out. It wasn't where I was originally intending to go, but I think it flows better this way.  
Thanks for all the Reviews so far, they're greatly appreciated. Keep them coming, please.**

Olivia Benson sat inside their regular cop bar. She only half listened to Fin argue with Munch over his latest conspiracy theory about big brother watching. She was waiting for Alex to get there. It had been so long since they had been out together. Olivia laughed to herself. "Together"? They never dated. They were just seeing each other. Elliot knew about it. As far as she knew, the other guys didn't know. She wouldn't have been surprised if they knew what was going on. They were detectives after all.

She thought back to the days when she and Alex had been seeing each other. It had been before she was in witness protection. After Alex was released, she tried calling, but Alex never answered the phone. All the times she was in the DA's office to see Casey she could have made her way to Alex's office, just to say 'hello'. Who was she fooling? She'd have gone to see Alex and begged the woman to come back to her. It would have been close to pathetic. That's why she didn't do it. She wanted Alex to come to her. After years of waiting, she just gave up. Alex wasn't going to come back. That broke Olivia's heart.

Olivia knew that trying to pretend that Alex was going to come back to her wasn't the best thing to do. So she settled. She settled for the redhead replacement. Casey was nothing like Alex. Sometimes, Olivia thought that Casey was too far to the butch side of the butch-femme spectrum. Casey was close to being the classic tomboy. Alex was kind of like a princess, in her own way. She wanted people to pay attention to her. She knew how to get people's attention and used that to her advantage. That's what made Olivia want her so much. But now that she didn't want Olivia's attention, she let her attention fall on Casey Novak.

The woman had been in SVU for three years when Alex came back. Olivia had gotten used to her being around and got used to spending time with her. She found herself spending more time with Casey outside of work and even confessing things she never dreamed of ever telling anyone. She hadn't even told Elliot about her mother trying to kill her when she got engaged to one of her mother's students. Casey knew though. After that one confession over a glass of beer, she found it easier to tell Casey things. Sometimes, they didn't talk at all. Olivia just found comfort in spending time with Casey. It was easy. Soon, they feel into bed together.

If there were any doubts in her head, that moment proved to Olivia that Casey was really nothing like Alex. In bed Casey was a million times different in her wants, her needs, and different in the way she told Olivia what she wanted and needed. At first, Olivia wasn't sure if she liked sleeping with Casey. Part of her almost felt like she was betraying Alex. But then she remembered, Alex wasn't calling and Alex wasn't keeping any contact with her. So it was almost as if Alex was still gone.

Eventually, Olivia started getting caught up in her work again and so did Casey. They started spending less and less time together outside of work. They only went home together on nights when they were going out to celebrate closing a case. Olivia would offer to walk her home and they would spend the night together. Even though they were still sleeping together, they both saw other people. Olivia ended up dating a guy from the Ledger, which Casey absolutely hated. Soon, they stopped going home together after celebrating a conviction all together. They never officially dated, so they never officially broke up. They just stopped seeing each other.

Olivia really regretted not spending more time with Casey in the end. For some reason, Olivia lay part of the blame for Casey's disbarment on herself. She thought that maybe if she would have spent more time with her in the end she would have seen it coming. Then again, she did blame herself for Alex being sent into Witness Protection too. If she would have protected Alex better, she wouldn't have been shot, outside the bar she was currently sitting in. Even though she hated doing this to herself, it was in Olivia's nature to blame herself for things the people around her did. She thought that if she could have protected them more, everyone around her would be safe. It was her job to protect people from themselves and from other people. So far, in her personal life anyway, she was failing to protect the women she loved.

She exhaled quietly. She wouldn't admit it out loud, but she did love Alex and Casey. Even though she hadn't told Alex, she wanted to. If she ever saw Casey again, she'd apologize for all the crap she put her through. She knew that Casey didn't mind listening to Olivia talk out her problems, but Olivia always felt awkward afterward. She usually ended up doing or saying something stupid because she felt naked and vulnerable. Casey tried not to let her feel like that for too long. She always found some way to put Olivia at ease again.

Olivia was shocked from her thoughts as all the guys stopped. They looked up, shocked looks on their faces. Olivia turned, following their gaze to the two women crossing the room. One of them wasn't a shocker; Alex Cabot was supposed to be here. Casey Novak on the other hand, they were not expecting.

As Olivia watched both of them cross the room and sit down at their table, she was pretty sure that someone could have died and the four men she was sitting with wouldn't have noticed. Hell, she wouldn't have noticed either. She was too shocked.


	6. Chapter 6

Olivia spent the next few days trying to wrap her head around the fact that the two women she'd been involved with were now together. When Alex got back to SVU, Olivia had tried to pursue her again. Alex had avoided. At the time, Olivia didn't understand why. Now she knew. Alex was with someone else. Never in a million years did Olivia expect Alex and Casey to be together. They were too different. Then again, she and Alex were very different. But just like magnets, opposites attract.

Olivia sat on a bench in Central Park overlooking the Reservoir. She had been there for twenty minutes, waiting. She was starting to think she got stood up. For some reason, she had called Casey and asked her to meet her here. This was the spot that they usually met and talked when Olivia needed to talk on neutral territory.

She took another drink of her coffee and watched the water. In her head she heard Casey's voice telling her the same thing Casey told her almost every time they talked. "Think of it metaphorically," she'd say. "You represent the water." She'd pick up a rock. "This rock is the event." She'd throw the rock out into the water. "When the rock hits the water, the water churns and reacts to this event. But if you sit here long enough the water will go back to normal. Sure the rock is still down there, but it's not affecting the surface anymore. The people that walk by aren't going to realize that the water is different, but it is. It's never the same."

Olivia smiled, thinking about it. Casey was right. After she sorted everything out, Olivia's life usually went back to some sort of normalcy. Maybe she just needed to hear Casey tell her that. She needed to watch Casey throw rocks into the water and tell her that her life would be okay again.

"Olivia," Casey said as she sat down next to Olivia.

"I was starting to think you weren't going to come," Olivia said.

Casey smiled. "Why wouldn't I come? You really think that just because I'm your ex and dating another one of your ex's that I'll just leave you hanging? You should know me better than that."

"So you and Alex are dating?" Olivia asked.

"I thought she told you," Casey said. "If I'd have known she didn't tell you, I wouldn't have gone to the bar that night."

"I was just surprised, that's all," Olivia replied.

"Now, I know you didn't call me here to talk to me about showing up in your bar," Casey said. "If that was all you wanted to talk about, you'd have come to my apartment. So spill, what's going on?"

Olivia looked out at the water. She had known exactly what she was going to say, until Casey sat down. That's usually the way things worked. She'd had the words all worked out and it would be easy to say. But when she was confronted by those green eyes, she lost her words. She knew she could talk to Casey without worry or fear, but her natural instincts took over and she shut down. So she stared at the water, hoping the words would just appear out of them. The lady of the lake would appear out of the deep blue water and just hand her the words.

Casey slid her hand into Olivia's. "Take your time."

Olivia lifted Casey's hand to her lips. She kissed the back of her hand. "Thank you." She looked into Casey's eyes. "You remember Sealview?"

Casey nodded. She remembered the case. She knew something about Olivia changed after she came back from being undercover in that prison. She just didn't pressure Olivia to tell her. They were starting to separate and Casey hadn't wanted confront Olivia because she knew Olivia would only shut down and shut her out.

"Something happened," Olivia said, "something bad."

"Olivia?" Casey said, quietly.

The sound of her name was all it took for Olivia to spill everything. How Casey had this power over her she didn't know, but as she spoke she didn't care. She just knew it was easy to tell Casey what had happened and what it caused. She told Casey how she felt every second from the time she realized what was going to happen until Fin got there. She told Casey about the emotions she felt and the thoughts that went through her mind. She wasn't even sure if she was making sense, but she just kept talking. When she was done she apologized. "I should have told you sooner. I'm sorry I didn't."

Casey took Olivia's face in her hands. "You have nothing to be sorry for. How many times did we sit on this very bench and talk about things you hadn't ever talked about? I don't care if you tell me about something that happened yesterday or twenty years ago. All you have to do is talk, Olivia."

Olivia hugged Casey. "Promise me you won't tell Alex."

Casey looked Olivia in the eyes. "I've never told anyone about these things, so what makes you think I'd tell Alex?"

"Because you're with her," Olivia said.

"Sleeping with someone doesn't give me the right to talk about someone else's personal life," Casey said. "If I told anyone about what you tell me, it's probably my shrink."

"You see a shrink?" Olivia asked a slight smirk on her face.

"Well, after you breaking my heart, I had to talk to someone," Casey said, with a smile. She got up. "Come on, I'll buy you some warm coffee."

Olivia got up and went with Casey to a diner they frequented while they were together.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry about the delay. I just started my Winter Semester. I'll try not to leave you guys hanging anymore. Thanks for all the Reviews so far. They've all been great.**

**So as far as Chapter 7... It's mostly just a connection chapter. It'll flow right into Chapter 8 (I hope).**

Alex approached Casey's apartment to hear the pounding sounds of Casey's favorite German Band, Oomph, blaring at a high volume through the door. She knocked but didn't expect Casey to hear her. Alex waited outside for the song to come to a close before knocking again.

"Casey!" she called. "Casey, come on. We need to talk about this."

Casey pulled the door open. "There's nothing to talk about." She started to close the door, but Alex stopped her.

"Casey, then you should listen," Alex said.

Casey bit her lower lip and let go of the door. She walked into her living room. Alex followed. She watched Casey turn off the music. "My neighbors probably love you right now."

Alex gave a slight smile. She knew that Casey had probably been playing this all evening, ever since she saw Alex and Olivia together outside the bar.

"So here's your floor, say what you've got to say," Casey said. She sat down in a chair and threw her feet on the coffee table.

"There is nothing going on with me and Olivia," Alex said. "We had a thing, once, a long time ago. Now, we're just friends."

"Sure looked like a conversation two friends would be having," Casey said. "I'm not blind. I can read body language. You two both wanted each other. So go. Go be with her."

Alex pulled Casey's feet off the coffee table and sat down on it. She took Casey's hand. "I don't want to be with Olivia. Sure I still feel things for her, but we've both been through so much. I don't think I could go back to her now. We're walking two different paths."

"But you do want her?" Casey asked.

"Casey!" Alex exclaimed. "Why do you keep forcing this? It's like you want something to be going on with Olivia and I. Why?"

"You're too good for me," Casey said. "I'm scared."

Alex moved her hand up Casey's arm, to her shoulder, finally resting it on her cheek. "Scared of what, Casey?"

"I'm scared of this," Casey said. "I'm afraid of wanting you too much. I'm scared that I'll fall in love. I'm scared that I'll get attached and then lose you. I don't want to get hurt again."

"Casey, you've got to risk it," Alex said. "You've got to risk failure to get what you want. You can't just hide from the world because it'll hurt less. I know. I tried it. I could have come out of witness protection and gone right back to my old life, but I was scared. I thought that I would look at Olivia and see her looking at me after I was shot. I didn't want that. I avoided that life because I didn't want to risk knowing what would happen. Because of that, I spent so much time hiding when I could have moved on. I kind of wish I would have come back. I'd have been able to work with you."

Casey leaned into Alex's hand. "You'd have watched me fail."

Alex moved forward and kissed Casey. "I wish, more than anything, that I'd have been there to save you."

"Alex, no one could have saved me," Casey said. "I had my mind made up from the beginning. He wasn't going to win and it cost me my job, my license to practice law, and my sixty-thousand dollar education." Through it all, Casey smiled. "But hey, look what I gained." She kissed Alex again. "You're so much better than an education that cost me an arm and a leg."

Alex smiled and kissed her again. Like Casey had the ability to do, she completely made Alex forget why she had come here. Casey stood up, pulling Alex to her feet too. She took Alex over to the couch and laid her down. Casey straddled Alex's thighs. Her fingers laced between Alex's. She kissed Alex's face, neck, and chest.

"Casey," Alex said.

Casey sat up and looked down at Alex. "Alex."

Alex sat up and caught Casey's mouth with hers. "I think I could fall in love with you."


	8. Chapter 8

**I do need to apologize to all of you. This chapter has been sitting on my flashdrive for almost a year. I forgot I wrote it. I'm trying to pick up this story again. Who knows, maybe it will go somewhere, maybe it won't.**

**But, without further delay, Chapter 8!**

Casey woke the next morning and reached out to the other side of the bed. She found it empty but still warm. She pulled Alex's pillow to her chest and inhaled the scent of Alex's shampoo. She sighed as the sounds of Owl City hit her ears. She rolled over and climbed out of bed. She slowly padded out of her bedroom.

Alex was leaning against the counter reading the paper and drinking coffee. She smiled when she saw Casey. "Good morning."

"Morning," Casey said as she entered the kitchen. She kissed Alex.

"You really don't strike me as the kind of girl who would listen to Owl City," Alex said. "Especially since I heard the German Rock you were listening to last night."

Casey smiled as she poured herself a cup of coffee. "It relaxes me after a stressful day."

"How many of those do you have anymore?" Alex asked.

Casey sighed. "Not nearly as many as I used to." She turned Alex around and pressed her against the counter. She kissed her again. "Alexandra Cabot, I do believe that I could fall in love with you."

Alex smiled. "It took you all night, but I'm glad you found the words."

Casey smiled. "It's this song. It turns me into a sap."

Alex's smile turned into a smirk. "You're joking?"

Casey pushed Alex away. "Fine, think I'm joking. Music is an expression. This song expresses how I feel about you." Casey tried her best to pretend to be upset, but it wasn't working out as well as she wanted it to.

Alex put her hands on Casey's hips and pulled her back in. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. For me, music is just something to block out the sounds of the city when I go running."

"Owl City is too calming to work out to," Casey said. She pulled Alex away from the counter and swayed to the music. "So tell me darling do you wish we'd fall in love?" she whispered the words to the song in Alex's ear.

"All the time," Alex responded, matching the song.

Casey kissed Alex's mouth. Casey's hands slipped beneath Alex's shirt, resting on the soft skin of Alex's lower back. "You are so beautiful."

"You're beautiful," Alex said. "I don't know what I'd do without you."


	9. Chapter 9

"You'd be back with Olivia," Casey said. As soon as the words left her mouth she wanted to kick herself.

Alex pushed Casey away from her. "How many times do I have to tell you? I'm not going to take Olivia back."

She left the kitchen and went into the bathroom. After a few moments, Casey heard the shower running. She sighed. "Way to go Casey," she said to herself.

Casey stood in the kitchen drinking her coffee when Alex's phone vibrated across the counter. It vibrated twice then stopped. Casey looked at the bathroom door then at the cell phone. She was curious. She picked up the phone, just to see who it was from. She groaned when she saw it was from Olivia.

Casey's mind was now fighting a battle with itself. She could set the phone down and pretend that she hadn't seen anything or she could just take a peek at it. It wasn't that she didn't trust Alex when she said she wasn't going to be with Olivia or that she didn't trust Olivia to keep her hands of Alex. The problem was the fact that they had been together before. They both still had feelings for each other and if not for Casey, they'd probably be together.

Against what was probably better judgment, Casey scrolled down to _View Now_ and pushed _OK_.

"_Hey Alex, I had fun last night. Hope I didn't get you into too much trouble with Casey."_ The message read.

Casey laughed sarcastically to herself. "Oh, Olivia, you have no idea." She put the phone back on the counter before going into the bathroom. "Alex, baby," Casey said.

Alex poked her head out of the shower. "Yes?"

"Olivia just sent you a txt message," Casey said.

"What did it say?" Alex asked before moving back into the shower.

"Who says I read it?" Casey asked.

"Because you're having trust issues and if you knew it was Olivia, you'd have checked it to see if there was anything you could use as a reason not to trust me," Alex said. "So, lay it on me."

"She said she had fun last night and hopes that you're not in too much trouble with me," Casey said.

Alex turned off the shower and opened up the curtain. "Am I in trouble with you?" she asked reaching for a towel.

"Should you be?" Casey asked.

Alex groaned. "Casey, I told you everything that happened with Olivia and I last night. Nothing happened. If something had happened, I'd have told you right away because I want to be with you and I don't want to keep things from you."

Alex took a step forward and cupped Casey's face in her hand. She looked into the beautiful green eyes of her lover. She leaned in and kissed Casey on the mouth. Alex got so occupied with kissing Casey that she forgot to hold onto the towel wrapped around her body.

After the towel had fallen to the floor, Casey pulled Alex closer to her. "I'm sorry," she said into the kiss.


End file.
